March 09, 2008

It's Only March God

I knew 2008 was going to be a year for change in my life. It's only march.

God why couldn't you spread change out over the year or at least a few more months?
I'm lost and torn, confused and scared, happy and alive, relieved and worried; is it possible for one woman to feel so many emotions at once?

God, why did change have to hit so hard and be so dramatic, I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, can you shine it a little brighter? I know no one should ever question your ways, my life is playing out the way it should be right? I know I shouldnt ask, but God I want answers, I need answers. I'm afraid of being alone; so many people around me that love, care and are there for me why do i feel so alone?

God, did I already for fall for another person so soon after Israel? Am I just in wishful thinking? We both don't think it will ever work, why are you keeping us together? Is there something positive coming that we might not know? Or are we in for heartache another lesson learned?

I told myself it was a bad idea "Don't get caught up Kylie" He's just so perfect as a person only flaw are the people around him. Can a 3rd party really keep two people from eachother?


Are you still listening?

I just want to know if I should keep going or move on? I wanted to walk away before I got attached, why didn't I? Is there something there I need to stick around for? You did not let me walk away I hope there was a reason for that, I shouldn't question your ways, you know what your doing.

You've made me so scared yet so excited for the rest of the year. I hope Isreal moving away and me staying where I am is the right move for both of us. You wouldn't stear me wrong would you God?

I pray.. I pray the situation you have put me in has a happy ending, I pray that even if me and him don't work together it works out in other ways with as little heartache as possible, I do hope we work out though, will is parents ever losen up? Should I be taking that as your sign to leave?

I'm so happy, scared, lonely, mad, excited, nervous. Help me, God my emotions are taking over my daily living. I'm feeling a little better each day and it hurts.

God, thank you for listening, it's Sunday moring, I'm going to go get ready and visit one of your homes.

Until next time.

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