March 28, 2007

Just not who I want to be.

I feel fake.
I feel bitchy.
I feel mean.
I feel anger.
I feel pain.

why?

I look at myself in the mirror.

I don't see myself
I see a shell
I see a physically happier person
I see a confused girl
I don't see Kylie

why?

Why am I feeling this low? I have so many positive things going on right now. I love my job, I laugh and feel on top of the world WHILE working, yet once I clock out and leave, i'm sad again. I love my co-workers, all upbeat and wonderful.
I love my family, laughing and joking around.
I love my boyfriend, though we fight and struggling right now.

I just feel there is nothing inside I me right now. I want to get away from myself, I want to run away from myself. I try to hard, for people to like me again I feel fake. I think if I be myself no one is going to like me.

I hardly eat.
I'm having troubles with my vitamins
I don't want food.
It makes me sick and tired thinking of what I have to eat next

I'm tired, I'm sad. But yet I feel I should be SO HAPPY and at time I am SO HAPPY.

Confused..

1 comment:

Paula said...

hey honey- just wanted to let you know you're not alone. although your surgery was long before mine, i'm going through a lot of the same feelings right now. just remember, we're not given anything we can't handle. keep your chin up! i'm more than happy to be there for you if you need it...