I've once heard when you have a lot on your mind writing is the best thing you can do. I'm over all confused right now. I'm having a hard time taking my pills everyday, I miss days here and there and I can not keep doing this, I know these vitamins and prescriptions are there for a reason and they are all very important to my health.
I am losing my hair, I am grateful now that I have very thick hair, you can not really tell. Other than the hair all over my shirts and the brushes full of Blondie strains after one use. The balls of hair all over the shower. I'll be honest I am getting sad about my chest.. Its getting smaller and lose skin, not what it use to be. It can get fixed later but its just a reality check to me. Like wow, this weight really is coming off, but look at what its leaving me. I knew it was coming though, the lose skin, BRING IT ON!
I feel so sad and really have no reason to be. I'm losing weight, doctors are happy with me, I have perfection as a boyfriend, my co-workers and friends are all great, my job is wonderful, my family is always there and maybe that is was I am scared of. My family is always there, and soon they won't be there. I really do want to move but of course any kind of life change is hard, even harder when your parents don't approve and won't listen to anything you have to say about southern California, you get a nose stuck up in the air. Doesn't matter how happy I am about it and that I want to share it, I get shot down by so many excuses as to WHY its not so great. Whatever, makes me just want to leave more. Prove to them, just like I proved to Mr. Watkins I COULD GRADUATE 2yrs EARLY! teaches you to laugh at me when I tell you my goal....
I do feel really romantic lately, I want to give Israel the world, maybe it is because we have been so good lately together we are laughing, we are on the same page, have not had a fight in a long time. Hopefully it stays that way. With Valentines day coming up I am so excited about our plans. I know he doesn't read my blog because he lacks a computer right now LOL. I am going to show up at his house EARLY EARLY before he is awake and come in decorate the living room with candy, balloons, and roses. I will cook him French toast, sausage, and eggs. Served on these very very cute valentines day plates I just bought. My mom will let me use little heart shaped tins so I can make the eggs heart shape! During this cooking time I will have a CD playing that I have made of all romantic, love songs. I'm hoping the music will wake him up and he will come out to find me cooking breakfast... Once that is done he will get ready for the day and we will do what we have already planned together.. SF Zoo and dinner on the fisherman's wharf. I just can't wait I'm really excited!!!!!!!!
So maybe its the combination of happy, confusion, sad, scared, angry, and romantic emotions that are just mixing together that makes me sit here and cry my eyes out. We are allowed to cry for no reason right? Not just crazies? So now I think I will go put some song on my ipod and fall asleep to music. Thank you for reading, I just needed to write and since this is my journal I turn to blogger. Thank you Blogger <3 :o)
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