I say goodbye to the dark, sad, pathedic girl I once was. Yes I wasn't the greatest person in the past, I had let addictions take over my life but all I wanted, more than anything was for someone to truly love me. Behind the selfish, drug addict was a girl that had so much love to give and just wanted someone that would love and treat her the same. In the beginning of June, I finally made a profile on this dating site my friend Shantelle told me about called http://www.plentyoffish.com/ and to my suprise not even a week later I came across this guys profile that really caught my eye, he was physically my definition of perfect, his "about me" thing was cute and humorous; I really wanted to contact him but he lived in Southern CA and was soon to be deployed because he is in the Army Reserve. I've done the long distance thing in the past, for 2 years, and one of my biggest but not well known fear has always been falling for someone who was in the Army because of what is required from them (getting deployed).
I moved on, went to work but couldn't get this guy off my mind. So when I got home I wanted to write to him, take my chances. It's the interenet I figured what did I have to lose? I wasn't having the best of luck with men so one more let down wasn't going to do much to me. I couldn't find him when I got home, it sucked but it wasn't ment to be I guessed. Well I did end up finding him again a few hours later. I wrote him a message telling him exactly what I thought about him it was somewhere along the lines of "Hey my names Kylie, I know you don't know me and I dont know you but I saw your profile and WOW you are like the perfect guy for me from what I've seen and what I've read. Hope to hear back from you". I never thought I'd get a response. BUT I DID! While I was at my little sister's Preschool graduation (they have a graduation for everything now a days). I was getting busy that day so I gave him my number and told him to feel free to text or call.
Well hours went by with no response, no call and no text. "damn it" I thought. I thought I put myself to out there, that maybe I should have just let the emailign go back and fourth and little longer before I gave my number, but oh well couldn't do anything about it then. I went to brother's high school graduation, his after party and that night towards the end of the party I had a break down. I was crying my eyes out, having a panic attack, spilling my guts to my dad. My two grandmas were talking about grandchildren; Nani was saying how she loves having great grandchildren and my Grammy doesn't have any yet and was saying how she would love some (kind of looked at me when she said that). I know she didn't mean anything by it but it broke my heart, it made me start thinking about what Chris and I had done, about the abortion, etc. How I should be a mommy right now and I just started to feel so guilty which is what triggered the break down.
I was feeling punished for my addictions, punished for the abortion. I didn't understand why I was having such bad luck with men, why I couldn't be happy and everyone around me was.. My two bestfriend are in relationships (Brooke being so in love and Ashley engaged). Chris had moved on and was happy with another girl; Israel was happy with a girl as well. I guess it was Chris being happy with someone else is what got to me the most. I thought "How can someone who has wronged someone else (me) not get any karma and not feel any guilt for anything he's done yet still be able to move on and be happier than ever?"
Later that night this guy (Taylor) did end up text messaging me asking me if he could call me and he did! We had the most amazing 10 hour conversation, it went all through the night well into the next morning. After that call I knew he was someone I couldn't let go even if he did live 6 hours away. Days went by and we still talked every day for hours and when we weren't on the phone we were texting. He was so perfect and I wanted to be his girlfriend so bad but kept my cool because I didn't want to come off desprate or anything. After 2 weeks of talking we BOTH knew we HAD to meet; so he came up here for the weekend.
Honestly, it was love at first sight. He asked me to be his girlfriend the next day of being here (June 20th, 2009).