January 14, 2009

A year for Recovery

It’s been a new year for exactly 2 weeks today or 14 days however you prefer to look at it. I’ve been so on the go lately I’ve neglected this blog and I’m sorry for those who read it regularly.
Since the last time I wrote back in November my life has taken a whole 180. Christopher Galli is out of my life completely, I don’t care to get into details as to what happened but after hearing what his father said I know have come to the understanding that our whole relationship was a lie and I pray for him every night because there is just something not right. He is in Arizona now with another girl and I just hope he is doing well. I now can hold my head up high and proudly say I am OVER him, thank you God.
It took one last suicide attempt to come to realization that I was over him, though. A few days before Christmas I had drank a good amount of alcohol to wash down 20 Vicodins and a bottle of Prozac and in all my drunkenness I had called my best friend Brooke who freaked out and came over to my house and proceeded to rush me to the hospital. I was pissed at her at the time but now am so thankful she did so because I would be dead right now if it wasn’t for her. I was put in a Behavior Health Unit for 48hours after my ER visit what a hell place that was…

I had been keeping it a secret from everyone but I started on my vicodin binging again weeks prior to the suicide attempt and I started drinking hard alcohol every night till I blacked out so I didn’t have to feel the pain of life that I was feeling. Life spiraled downward at such a fast pace when I look back now it is a scary thing to see. All my skeletons were forced out of my closet after that hospital stay. 3rd attempted in 2 months, my parents were fed up with my behavior and were not going to take it any longer; in all honesty I don’t blame them. I was left with no choice but Rehab. After talking things out and my parents making a contract with me for my safety we decided as a family to do Intense Out Patient Treatment with The Camp in Scotts Valley, CA.

I am now in my 2nd week of The Camp and it has been a rough two weeks but it is something I have to do for my family but most importantly for myself… I have been attending AA and NA meetings regularly. IOP (intense outpatient treatment) groups meet Monday, Tuesday and Thursday’s 6:00-9:00pm seems like a lot but it really is “FUN” is you can believe it. I have met some really great people already, who are there to help and support me, that’s what I really needed. By no means am I cured at all, I sit here now at work looking into the pharmacy fantasizing about Vicodin or I go home just wishing I could have a drink, just one.

As far as Gastric bypass goes and my eating disorder I have been really well; eating regularly, taking my vitamins, exercise is lacking but it’s still there at least once a week. I feel like I can just eat like a normal person now, I have been eating what I want without a 2nd thought… Well maybe a 2nd though but not enough to make me put it down and I really haven’t gained anything, I’ve been maintaining which is what everyone wanted all along. Why am I the last to figure it out?

Now two weeks into 2009, I am the happiest I have been in months. I’m enjoying life, getting myself help and it feels good to walk with my head held high and not care what others think. I’m done obsessing about the rumors that have gone around town about me and are still going around. I know they are not true and who ever is doing the lying and what now it will come back. Karma’s a bitch.

1 comment:

Kaitlyn said...

I am SO proud of you girl! Keep helping yourself and trusting and leaning on God. We should talk sometime! I had my surgery March 12th and as I read your blog from when you had surgery, it helps a lot. Makes me realize that all these feelings are normal.
Thinking of you!