May 19, 2006


It's about 1:30am and I cant not sleep at all. I just get to thinking about everything that is going on and I get really emotional. So much has happened so fast, and I love it but at times I just sit back and am amazed, me, Kylie Crovo is so closed to have a surgery that just seemed like a fantasy a couple of months ago. I thought it would be a dream come true to hear a doctor say it's a good idea and it's happened from more than one doctor! Questions run through my head like: What would be happening to be right now if I never wanted the surgery and they never found the Pseudotumor cerebri or the Sleep Apnea? I believe everything happens for a reason and this is just one more example. Knowing that it could happen in a month or 2 is mind blowing, I always said I would not get my hopes up but I have and for something to go wrong now would be so heart breaking. Honesty I don't think anything will happen where I don't get the surgery but maybe it being later than expected.

I had a really sad night last night. I brought my little sister to the park (Israel came with us) and I was playing with her but I was in so much pain, climbing through the tubes, barely fitting and head rushing like the top of my head was going to blow it really hit hard. Plus, earlier that day I got really bad chafing on my thighs and it only happened because of these freaking thighs. My self esteem was and still is a really low right now, I just want to spring back and be okay. Like get a compliment or something. What is starting to hurt is when I tell someone about the surgery and they say " Your so beautiful now, but your going to be a total knock out when you lose the weight". OUCH! What I have to be thin to be a knock out. God it gets me mad and I don't think they realize they say it. Well I just had to get some things off my mind thanks for the vent time!


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